How Others Will Judge Us Now And In The Future

Xander and Tori,

It’s been 83 weeks and 3 days since we signed the paperwork to give you want you and your mom wanted. Your dad and I have been busy.  We decided to join a local gym here in town. I go after work every day except for Mondays and Thursdays because of other obligations. I go every Saturday and Sunday too.  I do Aquafit twice a week and then work out an hour in the pool every day. So basically I am now going to the gym five days a week. Your dad has been really supportive of this because it’s going to improve my health.  My goal is to eventually fit into a kevlar vest and be able to carry a ruck sack. Since I am having my mastectomy and hysterectomy in October the stronger I am the easier it will be to heal. I do not want to be out to long considering I don’t want to miss a lot of work and I want to be able to get back in the pool.

I think the important to thing to remember is your looks and appearance are not important it’s about your health. If you have surgery you need to be doing it for the right reasons.  My reasons are justified. I am doing this to prevent me from having to go through chemo and possibly dying from cancer in my mid to late 40s. I want to make it to the end of 3781 days to ensure I am able to see the both of you again when you both are over the age of 18. If you have surgery you have to be committed to the process and the long term effects of that surgery. For example, with mine, it means I am going to be going through a surgical menopause because they will be taking out my ovaries to ensure that the estrogen is no longer a contributing factor that could cause cancer. Therefore, it means no hormone replacement therapy. It means no opportunity to have children. It means the end of my gene line to continuing on to another generation. It means less people at my funeral. It means no one to ever call me mom.

Yet this is why adoption is going to be part of my future with your dad. We are both committed to seeing the two of you again when your 18 but we also want to help children who need parents like us to take care of them. So we plan in the near future to start becoming a foster family with the option to adopt. I am hoping to find a brother and sister to adopt. But what God provides us with we will be happy with. While neither one of us talk to our parents anymore, we will provide anyone God wants us to help with a nurturing and loving environment.  This is not to say your dad and I don’t miss having the two of you around but we also know you would not be happy if we just sat still and did not help others who could use our knowledge and resources.

We know the two of you are looking forward to your summer vacation.  You will be able to have full reign of the house considering your step brother and step sister will be at their mothers. I know you probably will be spending a lot of time with your Grandmother at her pool. I hope that the two of you enjoy your summer. I am not sure when I will get a chance to write again but congratulations on passing 8th grade Xander. Next year you will be a freshman in high school. I hope that all the decisions the two of you have made have moved you forward in life despite what obstacles have been thrown in front of you.  Because it is when we are thrown obstacles, how we react to them defines who we are, not our looks and social status but our ability to handle them is what defines us and how others will judge us now and in the future.

M

benfamily

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