Ok so the purpose of this blog today is to talk about the unnatural grief cycle some women take when they experience the loss of a child. The loss of a child is horrible. It not only impacts the mother but the father is well. Women will often take responsibility for the loss of the child even though they have no hand in the reason for the child’s death. While the traditional grief cycle is five stages, denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and then acceptance. Many women will never leave the bargaining stage and continue in their life trying to find a way to compensate. Many women will over indulge their living children, if there are no other children she may press forward to have another child quickly, she may even wait until she is older continually trying to compensate and fill that emotional void until she is ready to emotionally adopt the daughter in law that their son’s might marry.
This is dangerous. Particularly because when they emotionally adopt their daughter in law it can put a strain on the relationship between the mother and son. Let’s be honest, about 50% of all marriages will fail. That being said, the odds of the mother’s new daughter divorcing her son is pretty high. This brings the mother back into that emotionally traumatic moment of losing their first child. She has invested some much emotionally into the daughter in law that when the divorce comes, she will abandon her son to prevent the trauma of losing her daughter again. This then results in the family being torn apart.
Depending on the relationship between the daughter and mom, it usually will not end well. The daughter will not engage with her ex’s mother unless there is a need. This is particularly important if their children involve. Particularly if the ex-wife was able to provide her with a Granddaughter. Mother is reliving her experiences and replacing them with the joy of having a small daughter that she associates with her daughter that died. At this point though, she has abandoned her son and is lost in the false reality that this ex-wife is in anyway her family other than the mother that bore her grandchildren.
The loss of a child again can be devastating, however, as individuals, wives, mothers, fathers and sons we must ensure that there is closure to the grief cycle for everyone involved. Because in the end it can not only be just a divorce which impact the entire family but could also include the crumbling of another core family leaving individuals feeling abandoned and lost all because a mother could not receive help and just replaced her dead daughter for a dead son.