Dear Tori and Xander,

Sorry it has been so long since I have written.  I wanted to let you know I put your Dad’s good bye video to you guys up on the videos web page because with Youtube being kinda crazy I figured it would at least be safe up here for you to watch in case you ever needed it. Well the Rheumatologist finally got back with me and diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. So we have started me on some pain meds and looking at other possible issues with my fibromyalgia that might be causing me some issues.  But if those come back negative then they are going to be referring me to a Chronic Pain doctor. To be honest I am not looking forward to that and might just forget taking the pain pills all together and learn to cope and deal. But we will have to wait and see. To be honest I was reading some information about it and it appears to be a problem that has occurred with my fight or flight response. I am in pain because I am always working in a fight response.

They say often that an event will trigger the response particularly if the body is weak from illness. I have to say the pain started after I was sick with a cold and your dad and I had decided to give you guys the life you wanted one where you didn’t have parents arguing and fighting. A life where you wouldn’t have to wonder who was picking you up and wonder whose house you would be staying at that night. The event where we finally had to say goodbye on paper to being your legal guardians. Another thing the family court system caused. They hurt me and now I will live with this forever. I guess you could call it my continuous battle scar. So while IT and your dad might not be fighting anymore, I still hurt all day. I still literally relive it every day. Even with all the pain meds it probably wouldn’t help so therefore it’s easier to take nothing because at least with the pain I am reminded that you’re still around and that we will see each other again.

Anyway, how are things going with the two of you? How is school? Sometimes I wonder why do I bother asking questions I know neither of you read this and never will respond. You may be wondering what your dad’s and my response is to these Syrian strikes. We are against them. We believe the President was incorrect and had no justification for dropping bombs on Syria. While we might not like Bashar al-Assad he has done a great deal to protect the Christians in Syria. We find it deplorable that the President would be training ISIS fighters who are part of the rebel alliance against Assad. I do not believe that he would use chemical weapons considering how far and how successful he has been in his engagements with the rebels. He should have waited to determine what the UN inspectors found prior to engaging in this Civil war in Syria. This is not what I wanted and it’s not why we put him into office.

Well that is enough of that. Hope you have a great week and please stay safe. Only 3817 days left and we can finally be a finally again. I know you are both looking forward to seeing your dad and me. We love and miss you both.




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