Bitter Sweet Accomplishments

That is how I would describe the weekend. After 3.5 years of always having piles of laundry to do I was able to finally get it all completed and either donated to Good Will or hung up. I had hoped to find in my last load my final sock of Tori’s but at last I did not. So there is a ruffled white sock I have that is missing its match. I finally finished washing Xanders shorts and shirts. They will be going in the Good Will trip this coming weekend. I also finished washing Tori’s sweaters and dresses which will be going to GoodWill as well this weekend. The court case was finally moved to dispose which means it is finally closed after it being open since 2016.  This week is spring break here which means this week we would have had the children but instead we spent the weekend finishing up the laundry and starting to go through their rooms. Next week we will be going through the video games, books, and videos and seeing what we need to keep and then selling them to Half-Price Books. At least someone who has children will be able to share in the joy that our family had watching them.

While getting the house ready to sell is hard we realize that it is for our best interest if we move. We need to get things finished so when we sell it we can find somewhere to reestablish our home. While we will always remember the children, living in the house has just become more of a burden than a comfort of any sort. In a lot of ways Ben and I really have no family or friends here so moving becomes really easy. There is no worry about contiguous counties and distance to get to the kids school anymore.  What should be a liberating experience is in a lot of ways a death and rebirth again. The focus right now for me is the house. I have to get it ready, with surgery planned for October I have to have it in order to ensure my safety and health. Not to mention if I die on the table during surgery I want at least Ben to have a clean house to go home too. Then he can sell the house and make a profit on it so he can have fun buying some of those antique firearms he has always wanted.

I have to admit, losing my family, my church, and everything else giving the house up is easy. God takes what he wants and unfortunately he has taken too much from me already so giving up the house to move somewhere is easy in comparison. It was my first house I owned and still own.  I made sure I was the only one on the note to ensure that no one could ever say it was theirs if they left. But being married to Ben has changed that and now I want to make sure that if something happens to me that he has it since he and I worked so hard to make it a home for the kids. It was an early Christmas Ben and I did for them. We decorated their rooms, gave them new furniture and chose special posters for each of their rooms according to the things they liked. But now it’s time to pack it all up and get rid of most of it. By the time we see them they will be too old for things like Peppa Pig and My Little Pony. And I think that’s the hardest part about it all. That the children I loved and cared for will be adults with their own lives before I ever get to see them again.

3852 days left and every day is I keep moving forward.