So like most Sundays I got dressed put on my head covering and went to church. I started with 845 Matins and Continued on through services till about 1130. I chanted, I smelled the incense, but today I lit a candle praying for my stepchildren. I don’t know why I did today, but I did. I had quit lighting candles for the children once we fell into the routine of not having them around. Yet I was called yesterday to light one for them. On Saturday I had lit a candle for the world and all those I pray for on line but on Sunday I lit one particularly for my stepchildren.
I been troubled lately concerned for my stepson. Nothing definitely nothing for certain but a nagging of the heart. So today I figured I would talk about my stepchildren. You know about IT. You know about their Grandparents. But the fact is I rarely talk about the two of them. Xander is now a teenager. We have missed his last two birthdays. The last time he saw his dad was the day before the court order went through that terminated our rights. Xander is a patient methodical child. He hides his true emotions well and it is never really clear what the boy is thinking or what he is planning because he is usually five steps ahead of everyone he deals with. He also loves comic books. I never could figure out why until he left. Know I spend a great deal of time reading Deadpool and My Little Pony comics. His favorite was Deadpool and his sisters was My Little Pony.
Tori like’s things organized and like most children her age she loved wearing dresses. I will never forget how proud she was when she got to cut her hair. She loved her hair cut and IT ruined that experience for her by telling her how disappointed she was in her. It broke my heart. Having her hair short gave her the independence to do her hair on her own without needing someone to assist her in combing it or putting a detangling agent in it. She could make anyone laugh. She liked throwing people under the bus when it meant she could see them squirm. She like her father enjoys the hunt. I imagine now that she is in school she has learned to socially maneuver the situation like her father. This is going to make for a challenging but exciting time for her as she learns to read and understand social situations.
I admittedly do not have any children of my own so in my heart these were my children. I taught Xander how to tenderize meat and find a good sushi restaurant. Tori I taught her to sing at the top of her lungs this little light of mine and how if she felt scared to call 911 if there was not an adult around. I taught Xander how to communicate his fears and concerns to teachers and nurses. But most importantly while not their mother I listened and was there for them. I made sure they had food and we had family time. I gave up time with my husband on our weekends so he could go and have a great day with them. And my prayer is in 3880 days they will remember these things and come back to see us. If not at least I have this blog so my journey is documented for them to see when they are ready to view it and hear it.