Narcissist, Christian, Atheist – Id, Ego, Superego.

So I am going to delve a little bit into the personality and also discuss a little about Kohut. Kohut studied narcissistic personality disorders and disturbances and related that those he studied with this issue had problems of not getting enough attention from a parent when they were a child. [1] When a child fails to develop positive feelings about themselves when being parented. When an individual develops a perception that the parent does not care, is absent, or uninterested in them they begin to see themselves as the center of all relationships. This egocentric personality is focused on gratifying the ID which is made of the survival instincts of what is desired from our animal natures.[2] Now Freud says that our personality has three parts, the id, ego, and superego.  The superego is the expectation in which we filter ourselves through to determine our decisions about gratifying our id. The place in which we make these decisions is called our ego.

In the beginning our parents help form and shape our Superego but I believe as we grow older the superego changes and grows. Who we develop these expectations from changes. For women in order to attract a mate and keep one we will often conform our expectations to our potential mate. For men in order to maintain your jobs you will hold your expectations and life decisions through the lens of what benefits me in my career. For a narcissist though the Superego is never really securely developed as a youth and therefore there is lack of having expectations which results in a focus satisfying all ID needs and wants.


So as Christians we have built our expectations around being like Christ. Our ID is our sinful nature. As Christians we spend endless hours trying to have a balancing act of needs vs expectations. Literally our life is like walking on a tightrope. Our decisions and everything we decide we should filter through a biblical lens. Yet with those with narcissistic problems they fall victim to living to serve the ID. This can lead to dangerous behaviors. You will take advantage of people, which can lead to those who have been taken advantage of turning on you. It is never your fault and therefore when trying to connect with others you will always fall short because relationships no matter what the type require individuals to be vulnerable and admit fault.


Narcissists have difficulty confessing their faults and sins. Which leaves their spiritual soul in peril. Even an Atheist has social expectations they have to live up to which is their balance point for their ID. So the question becomes as narcissists get older and begin to raise children what do the children become. If we follow through maintaining there is nothing counterbalancing the id. The children provide much needed attention until they develop an ego of their own which occurs around the age of three. Their superego develops around the age of five and continues to be more molded and refined as we experience the world.[3] A child then in reality loses their narcissistic parent at the age of three and becomes nothing more than an accessory item to parade around when in fashion.


This is why it is so difficult to deal with narcissists. Their world revolves around themselves pleasing their own personal desires and wants. While many of us no matter our faith or lack of it have a counterbalance to the constant need and wants of our id. The Narcissists literally is like an over developed infant in constant need. This constant needs drains individuals who move well past that stage and begin developing a world outside of themselves. As Christians we can pray they seek help and introduce them to the Lord. However, we must be mindful not to be victims to the narcissist and become their new parent from which they seek attention but instead have them turn to the Lord for that attention and desire they crave because we all have our cross to bear.[4]

[1] Richard S. Sharf, Theories of psychotherapy and counseling: concepts and cases (Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole, 2012) pg. 59.

[2] Ibid. pg. 34.

[3] “Chapter 3: Section 5: Freud’s Structural and Topographical Model,” AllPsych, , accessed January 29, 2018,

[4] Luke 14:27, DRA.



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