So the fifth sign of divorce I described during my venting blog this week. But I think it can be merged with the six sign of divorce because to me the fifth sign of divorce is like the sixth sign of divorce so for today and to end the week we will be covering both
Increased Focus Outside The Marriage & Preparation For A Single Life
As individuals get to this point in their marriages it is going to take a lot of work to bring it back together. Your spouse may take a deeper interest in activities outside of the marriage that you have no part in like their children, scouts or band. They also start staying later and later at work or go to the bar during the week. These activities drive a wedge into the connected union that marriages form. If your spouse is focusing more of their time and efforts outside the confines of marriage then the reality is that they are probably having an affair which means in their eyes the marriage is already over.
This realization drives couples to making preparations for a single life. The focus is to use resources meant for the family and put them into themselves to prepare for the next stage of being divorced and single. Hypergamy starts to occur in your wife. Women will often begin to focus on getting a job or getting new look that draws attention to herself. Men will start diving into their work, begin going to the gym, or taking an interest into old hobbies. Men should begin saving money and financially preparing themselves for a divorce at this point. It is at this time often women will begin to develop stories about you to ensure that she takes mutual friends and family. She also will begin searching and developing a war party for her victimhood role.
I think the hardest part through all these steps of realizing your heading for a divorce is that it is easy as adults to identify, adapt and adjust but for the children of these divorces we forget as parents to prepare our children for the eventual divorce that is going to come. If your heart and mind is made up and you are planning on leaving your spouse you need to take a moment and work together as parents again. You need to develop a parenting plan. If your children are old enough, let them become involved in this so they understand that even when things do not work out, that it is important to do what is the best for everyone in the family. Allowing your children to make decisions about time, visitation, and engagement allows for the children to adapt to the change better than just making the decisions for them. Remember that they have their own lives too and should have a say in the when and how much.
When you do not include your children in what will be there time, you neglect a valuable teaching moment for them. When you begin acting like a child and talking badly about their other parent your children will eventually grow up learning to speak badly about you when they disagree with you. The concern for me is that if you get to the point where you are focusing on activities outside your marriage and preparing for a single life, maybe you should turn around and look at your children. If you break up the family unit and the father leaves you have shorted the telomere of the child because of the stress a divorce can have on a child. If this is your second or third divorce you are essentially shorting the life expectancy of your children by every divorce.
When you break it down with every divorce you are killing your child slowly. And while the courts may not see this as child abuse, I see this as cruel and unusual punishment. And while you may love your children and not your spouse, your actions literally do speak louder than words by causing an early death to your children. All I can say is that I pray for you because I can only have faith that God will have mercy on your soul.