Now let us pick back up from where we were…the third sign a divorce. These signs are like building a lasagna layer by layer. They build upon one another and the previous step was a result of the step before that, so on and so forth.
When we emotional disengage we often lose the feelings for our spouse. Also known as “falling out of love”, this is one of those times where I want to place blame on Disney and every romantic comedy I have ever seen. The problem is women are dreamers and in vision their wedding and their life with their prince charming (the cuck). With more and more children living in single parent homes these dreams become more and more the norm instead of seeing the reality of marriage.
I was blessed to be raised by my parents who are still married. When I was a child I realized they sacrificed a lot for me and my sister. We did not get family holiday because they valued our education more than spending a couple of days in Disney World. We lived on pinto beans and cornbread many nights just so we could afford my insulin and school. I hated it back then but now when times are tough I am able to pull back and make dishes that are cheap and filling. But if we are going to have pinto beans and cornbread I must have the fruit cocktail sauce to go with it. My dad and mom did not go out on dates but enjoyed holding hands in the kitchen. Dad would help my mother cook. They both worked full time and where exhausted. Every so often when times were really tough mom would get angry. Dad would get angry as well but they worked it out and stuck it out because marriage is more than being in love it is about being with your best friend.
Margulies talks about how divorcing couples often say they have fallen out of love as the reason for their divorce. I guess my question is if you fell out of love why not work on falling back in love. Marriage takes work. It is not supposed to be easy. Disaffection is a giving up. A failure on both spouses part to make efforts to work on falling in love again. In the bible, the first couple did not have it easy. Adam and Eve were left homeless after falling away from God. Eve wanted to be like God. Adam followed Eve’s lead and well we know the rest of the story.
Marriage consists of a man and women. This is a really interesting article talking about the word for man and women and how when the words are combined in Hebrew it forms the name of God, Yah. They share two Hebrew letters aleph and shin which form fire. The Holy Spirit has been described as fire. We are made in God’s image and therefore fire is an accurate way to describe us. Yet fire can burn us. We often look at our marriages with fire to be refined and made stronger to withstand the schemes of the devil. Yet more often than not we destroy our relationships being fire because we forget to put Yah at our center.
Johnny Cash said it best…. I fell into a burning ring of fire. May your marriages burn higher by refining yourself as a used body of one flesh to serve Yah yesterday, today and tomorrow.