Today we will be talking about the second signal that you are heading for a divorce. Like yesterday I will discuss the issue and then a way to head it off. It is by heading it off that can keep your family intact. To often the hardest time in a man’s life is the two years after a divorce. Between the loss of his partner and children men loose strength and turn to drugs and alcohol. When that occurs depression and rage take over ending often with men committing suicide. It is important we stop this before we reach that point. We need to be able to step in and save a life.
I think we need to look at what emotional engagement is before we discuss emotional disengagement. Dr. Barton Goldsmith shares a list of 10 things to emotional engage your partner. I am just going to cover a couple for the purpose of understanding emotional engagement. The first is identify your feelings. This means being in touch with your emotional side. The second is to share your true emotions. Sharing your emotions with your spouse because when you speak from the heart then it will resonate with your partner. The final one I will cover is never assume how someone else feels. This one is important because when you assume how someone is feeling it is through the lens of your feelings which can impact the value of the feeling to your partner.
Ok now that we understand what emotional engagement is let us talk about emotional disengagement. Sam Margulies informs us that emotional engagement leads to intimacy with your partner. I am not sure if I buy into that. Women today are more liberated to have sexual encounters with everyone than ever before. This sexual experience is not because they have an intimate connection with the person. However, if your with your spouse emotional engagement ensures an empathy and understanding with your spouse. It also has an energy to it that allows your bodies to become one flesh. In Mark’s gospel he discusses that a man will leave his family and unite with his wife so they may become one flesh. The women and men are no longer two separate individuals but instead are combined as one in both mind, spirit and flesh.
When you disengage from this emotional part of your marriage you begin to neglect the emotional needs of your spouse. While it may not be reciprocated you must make an attempt to reunite with them. This does not always mean physical intimacy but could be a simple hug, holding hands, and even just spending time talking to one another. When you have been hurt this is not always easy. Yet stepping in and treating your spouse like you want to be treated. I believe that this is the hardest part, when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment he said that it was to love God with everything that you are and the second was like it that you should love your neighbor as yourself. It was through these two commandments that all the Law and words from the prophets hung on. Your neighbor is your wife not just the person who lives next door.
Therefore emotional disengagement is a sin. You are not treating your spouse like yourself or even your neighbor. If our marriages are truly rooted in the faith and in Christ, we must remember to love one another. Husbands need to lead their households and step in when emotional disengagement starts because you are the human example of what Christ is to the church. Christ loved the church and sacrificed himself for it and as husbands you should be able to do the same for your marriages. Show compassion and understanding to the weaker vessel which is your wife. Wives we are to be submissive and simple because it is our spirits that make us beautiful.
When we can lead our lives in such ways we can save our families and homes. We can reunite with one another to protect what God has given us. The beauty of having a family to stand by us when times are tough. Because it is a family rooted in Christ that brings beauty to the church today and tomorrow. If you need someone to pray for you and your family please fill out the form sending your request.