So I have decided I would do a short mini-series on the six signals that a divorce is heading your way. While I frown on divorce, sometimes it’s the only way out of a bad situation. In the past couple of weeks we have talked about a Narcissist, HCBPs, and Feminism. I figure this six part series will help everyone see there is time to correct the behavior and save the marriage prior to it heading to the family court.
No Conflict Resolution
At this point in the marriage the two of you are not having necessarily communication issues but are just refusing to resolve conflicts together. In my mind I see this as a beginning separation to unbinding yourself from your spouse and beginning your road to living as a single person yet again. In Ephesians 4:26 we are instructed not to let the sun go down on our anger but we are allowed to be angry as long as we do not sin. Therefore, we must continue to be open to communication with our partners and ensure we work through our discourse prior to going to sleep. Holding onto anger is a sin and therefore while it might be easier to run and hide in another bedroom it is key for you to communicate with your spouse in an open, honest, and frank way to ensure your feelings and understanding is known.
Marriage is never easy. I think the problem is that we avoid having disagreements in front of our children. How are we expected to resolve conflict when it is not modeled for us by our parents? If children see adults have a disagreement they must also see the efforts made for resolving the conflict. This ensures that when your children get married and they encounter similar difficult situations that they will not go down the trail of anger with sin. We must lead our children by example instead of hiding the truth about the difficulties of marriage from them.
Differences are submerged resulting in a loss of respect, increasing distance and gradual withdrawal.
Wow we should never lose respect for our spouse. Even in our disagreements. Hypergamy is the natural inclination when men have given up on coming to the table to find a resolution. Women feel the increasing distance and withdrawal which results in a woman finding a new man to monkey branch too. When this occurs her spouse will often loose respect for her particularly when she is flaunting it for everyone else to see.
Now for some statistics. 36% of women have cheated 2 to 5 times as compared to 33% of men. Of the women who have cheated, 47% of women have cheated 6 or more times while men it is 44%. I think though the most surprising statistic is that 14% of women would have a revenge affair to get back at an unfaithful spouse while only 9% of men would. Affairs usually begin around the two year mark for marriages resulting in about 15% of divorces being the result of infidelity. The average cost of having an affair usually runs a household $444 dollars a month. While the heartache can be immeasurable; pastoral counseling can be a cheaper solution than filing for divorce. The average divorce cost if contested and with children can cost between $15,000 and $20,000 dollars. Pastoral counseling can average between 85 to 110 dollars an hour. At that rate you could receive 136 to 182 hours of pastoral counseling instead of giving the money to lawyers and the courts.
Imagine what 136-182 hours of pastoral counseling could give you as a struggling couple. Imagine what even 40 hours could give you. If you find yourself in this situation please let me know so I can pray for you. Because I believe that pastoral counseling and putting in the effort during the difficult times makes us all appreciate the easy times more. It also has a positive impact on your children because I know you would never want them to become part of the growing population of children who do not have fathers in their homes. Statistics do not lie so give counseling a shot because divorce not only will impact your spouse but your entire family too.