Xander and Tori,
Some days are better than others. Today is not one of those good days. I am sick and all I want is a hug from my step-children. Yet I will not get one of those for at least 3913 days. I was able to make me some hot tea with some sweetener in it which has helped a lot. Your dad and I went and picked up my new glasses he picked them out for me. I am glad I got them because now at least I can read my computer screen without squinting. I worry about the two of you a lot. I don’t talk about it with anyone because no one ever really wants to listen to me go on about if you have someone there to help brush your hair or to buy you pants for these cold winter days.
Somedays I think it is easier to believe that you do not miss us and do not care that we are even gone. Yet when holidays come around I just set the money your dad and I would have spent on the two of you and donate it to a charity that needs it. We are also taking the money we no longer pay in child support and putting it towards fixing up the house and getting ready for it to sell. I have decided to move out of the city. Everywhere I go reminds me of the two of you and so your dad and I are planning to move out into the country. This way we can get some land and get our garden started. I am really looking forward to doing that. I know Athena and Maxwell will love having more space to run.
Then there are days I hope the two of you will realize that what we did for the two of you was bring you a sense of peace. You no longer have to remember who is picking you up or whose house you are going to be spending the night at. To be honest, it is sad because all I wanted for Christmas I did not get this year. Yet I know Grandma and Grandpa got it when they were in town between Christmas and New Year. It is sad because if you want to know the truth many if your Grandma’s family do not like her anymore for what she did to your dad.
In many ways they find it unforgivable to forsake a son for grandchildren. Yet your grandma got exactly what she wanted a new daughter (YOUR MOM) and the two of you in the divorce. She only had to forsake your dad in the process. The sad part about it all though is when they need to be placed in a home they are going to be left with your Aunt and Uncle to make that decision. Since your Uncle has no experience making those decisions your Grandparents are likely to be placed in pretty bad conditions. Yet your dad and I look at it this way. The moment we signed our parental rights to the two of you, we did as God instructed. We turned our backs on Sodom and Gomorrah and began our path according to the will of God. We will not be turning our heads around to look back but must keep looking forward.
We know that in 3913 days if you want that you will make an attempt to reach out to us. This website is an easy way to contact me. Your dad’s email and phone number will not change because our hope is that you will want to get to know us. Your mom took your ability to know us away from you. We do not negotiate with a terrorist and so therefore we sacrificed ourselves and family for you to find peace. Your mom, your grandparents, your Aunt and Uncle, the family court, nor the lawyers had an interest in your best interest. But understand you are not alone, the family court system does this to millions of families every year. I just pray that you remember us and the fun times we had going places and our learning adventures. I love and miss you both.