So I am going to be honest the one behavior that gets on my nerves the most is lying. I never been able to handle it. I guess when I was young, it was a lack of caring how or what others thought about me so to me, lying was never a good alternative to the truth. Yet in the world of HCBPs, Narcissists, and about 60% of the population who lie at least once during a 10 minute conversation, I never could and still cannot understand the purposes of lying. 80% of women admit to telling harmless half-truths. This is lying. Yet men tell an average of 6 lies a day to their partner, boss or colleagues while women only tell 3. The question though with these statistics does the lies also include the harmless half-truths?
Dr. Ley from Phycology Today provides six reason on why people lie when there is no need too. Usually lying is a sign of a bigger personality disorder that is not being addressed. This is particularly important to realize if you have a partner who is a consistent or habitual liar. The first thing to address is that while the lie may not matter to you the subject of the lie matters to the liar. The important thing to do is address this lie upfront and ask why this is so important to the liar. By addressing this issue we can receive a better understanding of what they are trying to convey to us.
For those who have control issues lying allows the liar to remain in control of the truth. It is a power and control issue. When we identify that the lie does not fit with the liars plans it may be proactive to address the feelings of giving up control for the better good. For women lying is easier because they do not want to disappoint individuals in their lives. I say it’s the pleasing subservient nature in us because when we disappoint someone we take it personally and therefore it is easier to lie than it is to stand up and do what is right. The question becomes why we are so concerned with the impressions we make on people. I guess I never figured I was part of the equation but instead it was what I communicated that was important. Therefore, the truth always being right was the only way to go.
Truth is an important aspect to any relationship. When we cannot share the truth we cannot show people that we really love them. Loving someone means sometimes hurting their feelings in order to ensure that the truth is heard and understood. I rather hear the truth even if it hurts than hear the lie and learn the truth from someone else. This is why Ben and I spend so much time communicating. We know the truth is the foundation for all of our conversations with one another and that is why it is the foundation of our marriage. While we had Xander and Tori we kept insisting on the truth despite how much it may hurt us. Yet our children continued lying. We would keep instructing. However, when lying is accepted and expected in the other house there is little you can do other than continue to reinforce the importance of telling the truth.
The bible is clear on speaking the truth to one another. (Ephesians 4:25, Proverbs 12:22, Matthew 5:37, John 8:32) The most important aspect though is with second part of the greatest commandment. That we are to love they neighbor as thyself. If we cannot love each other enough to tell the truth then we constantly are failing to be like Christ and submit ourselves to the will of God. Admittedly the truth is hard but in the end it will set you free. Therefore while our actions and failing to do things we must remember to always speak the truth bring clarity and certainty for everyone around you to see. This certainty and clarity makes you a better parent, spouse and all those involved with you. Because it is by speaking the truth our actions are forthright and in this way we allow others to see Christ in us through the clarity of speech in all situations no matter what the loss or gain in the conversation may be. So my fellow Christians, I challenge you today to step forth in the way of truth and shed the death of lying and become the spouse you were meant to be.