Marriage is Ugly

The truth about marriage.  Today I talk a little bit about that in my podcast. Women view marriage differently from men. For women we have been dreaming of marriage our whole lives, we have played it out and searched for the lead actor to fill the role of our husband. MEN DO NOT DO THAT! Because we have spent our entire lives planning our marriage we will often find out we are disappointed when the honey moon is over and all the money is gone. Then REAL marriage begins. This is the part of marriage that is not told in the Disney related films.  Marriage will not be about unconditional love for your partner. There will be minutes, hours and days where you hate them and the only reason you stay is because of the marriage. Marriage has its ups and downs, like any relationship we grow, change, and develop based on our life experiences. A marriage has to be strong of enough to endure that.

Marriage can be a bad thing. It is through these dark times a marriage must continue to exist and work. If it can then it is not a marriage. Marriage works in the light and the dark. God provides us that light in the dark times unifying and strengthening the bond of our marriage so when we reach the light we are stronger as a couple. Marriage was a bad thing when we lost my stepchildren in family court. There was a part of me that wanted to run away. I was tired and defeated. Yet I was given the strength to stay to help my husband. Our marriage is now stronger because of our selfless act of love. In all honesty the only way we continue to survive is through Christ.

Marriage is about who is making dinner, doing dishes and laundry. Marriage is about these things. Let’s be honest. I love making dinner and I do not mind doing dishes but I hate laundry and well I do not like taking out the trash. If I was a full time stay at home mother I would do that but I am required to work to make our finances work. As it is with many families. While I am exhausted I will often pick myself up and drag myself to the kitchen and make a homemade meal for my husband. He loves it and it is how I show my love for him. I think we often learn the most about each other when we are sick. When Ben is sick he stays home, when I am sick I continue moving until I collapse. It is what marriage is about. Respecting and honoring those differences. It is how the marriage works on the day in and day out routines.

On occasions marriages will have highlights, a birth of a child, a vacation, and even a date night. Yet we must fall in love with the routines in order to appreciate the beauty of the highlights.  When you are in love with the routines, the adventures of dark places become less scary. You can face the doctor when they diagnose you with being BRAC2 positive, melanoma positive and being at a higher risk for pancreatic cancer. You can face the doctor when they tell you need to see a cardiologist when your c-reactive protein is sky high.   That is what marriage is about. Being able to wake up next to the same person day in and day out knowing that even in the darkest adventures God provides the light and your partner has your hand as you step into the great unknown.

M

 

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