It is amazing how things just suddenly change. We have now had over a 1000 visitors to the site and have heard our story. I still believe I am providing a record for my step children about their father’s journey and helping those who live in the dark but share in the same issues. If you would like me to pray for you and your story please follow the link to contact me. Thank you everyone for your support of this site and for the Podcasts. Ok today we talk about seventh out of ten defense mechanisms of women narcissists and women in general.
To be honest this was the least tactic used by IT. Looking back I think in all honesty IT used it maybe once. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and control. Victims of this are misled and forced to doubt what they already know to be true. It is an attempt to control the behaviors and actions of the victim to reach a certain objective. The results of Gaslighting hurts the victim’s identity and self-worth. Gaslighting takes a sliver of truth and wraps it into a lie. In divorces this is a common tactical move used by both parties. Admittedly we used it a lot. We used it primarily to find out where who was leaking information about the divorce to the other side. We discovered Ben’s sister-in-law and mother spread lots of the lies we told. To be honest, it is sad we had to do that because we could not trust the loyalty of our own families.
One of the lines we never crossed but unfortunately IT did was use the kids to gaslight. IT has asked Tori if she wanted to live in California and some other place. Tori informed us that IT said she was going to be able to play in snow. So off to court we went to ensure that IT understood the geographical limitations of the divorce decree. Then we got an email from the ex of IT’s husband saying the he had told her that they were going to move to New Orleans. That led to a phone call and fight between IT and Ben. In all honesty I think IT knew what it was doing. IT was trying to drive Ben to eat a bullet. IT wanted Ben gone and out of it’s life just so IT would have total control over every aspect of the children’s life. When women know your weak spot they continue to push the button until they get the desired result. Hence why more men commit suicide during and after a divorce than women.
Part of me wonders if IT used Tori to gaslight us in to thinking she was pregnant during the divorce. It made sense to their quick marriage. IT’s husband had not even been divorced even 30 days when IT rushed them off to Arizona to get married. Then I get a call from a collections company asking for money for a past due bill for IVF treatments. Once I stopped the lady and asked who she was looking for and she told me she was looking for IT. Tori would ask us why we were trying to take away her mom’s baby. I do not know if IT was pregnant or not but God has his reasons for things. Either IT was not pregnant or IT lost the baby. Either way I just laugh about it now. I laugh at how much time Ben and I planned and prepared to engage in ensuring that he was not the father.
While Gaslighting can be entertaining and useful in getting real answers you might not get any other way. It does damage to the children when you involve them in those kind of games and shenanigans. By using your children in Gaslighting activities they create false memories which can impact their growth and development through the lies YOU told them. In all honesty if your last resort is to use your children to obtain the information you need then you have to be in a pretty dark hole that only Jesus Christ can pull you out of. All I can say to you is that I pray for you.