Good Morning Everyone
This Christmas season been really rough not having the children around. I think last year we were still in shock but this year has been more about adjusting to life without children. We continue to go through and clear out the children’s rooms and prepare them to become our offices but the endless posts of the Facebook groups we belong to can be hard because they share their stories of pain and happiness with having blended families. However, Ben and I know we are not alone. We believe that all of us together we can ensure eventually every child has a warm, safe, and blessed Christmas with both parents. That being said let us talk about the third of ten tactics narcissists use to control the situation and people around them.
Name Calling is a result of frustration and being wrong. This results in individuals using emotionally hurtful attacks against the person they are fighting or anyone associating with the object of their aggression. Name calling is done by children to make them feel powerful. As adults name calling can be a sign of someone suffering from a personality disorder. Name calling are designed to hurt another person who the name is being directed too. The interesting characteristic about this is that the act of name calling is not about the actual target of aggression but instead the hidden feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness they feel in the situation. Narcissists use it to distract the person they are arguing with in order to avoid the real issue at hand. Those being attacked by name calling are often put on the defensive. The important way to deal with this is to actually acknowledge the feelings of the Narcissist when name calling is being done so their feelings are being addressed and you can begin using logic to address the situation.
My husband was called Sheldon. This name calling was done to make my husband feel insecure about his social awkward characteristics in public. The worse part though in my experience was they would refer to our children’s father as Sheldon in their presence so when they would come over to the house they would call him Sheldon not realizing they were being coached to be bullies to their dad. In a lot of ways though Ben handled it with stride and with pride. He told the children they should be proud of their differences and he told them thank you because to him Sheldon was a compliment because he was smart.
For females that exhibit narcissistic behavior are often more social than traditional women. They survive by being able to climb up the social ladder. By individuals who cave to arguing with them over the names they have been called it gives them the perceived power of victory over the social situation. Individuals like Ben do not thrive in social situations but are there when you need someone to help you. Sheldon is reliable and smart and although socially awkward has a close group of friends who support him and whom he supports. This is what we taught the children when they would call Ben, Sheldon. We said thank you for the compliment and moved on. Because it shows our children to respect each other’s differences not as something to look down upon but instead something to value and cherish.
The HCBM also taught her daughter to call me FAT. Ben took the high rode in that conversation. I just told Tori that God made me this way. What could I say but the truth? It is not about how people look on the outside but it’s the inside that matters. When you teach your children on how to use name calling as a weapon that skill you have taught them will eventually be pointed back at you. Name calling because you are angry, hurt, and disappointed in the choices you made does not justify hurting your children and giving them a weapon to use on others. So if you are forced to do name calling on someone please never do it in front of your children. They learn by observing how you interact with others. If they view making fun of others and calling them names as acceptable they will eventually come back and do it you. It will hurt worse because you know it was you that taught them how to aim and fire that weapon.
For the sake of your children teach them that it is our differences that make us stronger as a community and not similarities.