With the holidays approaching I wanted to express a Thank You for all of you that read my blog. Thank you for giving me a bit of time every day to share my life, experiences and thoughts with you. You can now find my podcast on IHeartRadio. Thank you for all of the moments listening and reading. I really appreciate all of your support. Now for the second common control tactic used by narcissistic women.
How many times did I hear this or some other form of statement from our HCBP. I guess the funniest was in a fit of frustration of using and quoting their divorce decree my husband received the message from the HCBM when Ben kept pointing to the rules in the decree that it was just a “god damn piece of paper”. I about laughed when I read it. It was watching a five year old child scream because they did not get the piece of candy they wanted at the grocery store. Then it was we were being unreasonable. Yet she was the only one to sign the divorce decree. She got everything she wanted yet when we made her comply as it was written she would lose her mind.
Burgemeester’s last sentence in this section is the most important aspect and what I observed the most often when dealing with a HCBP. It is that narcissists cannot cope when they are presented the truth but they actively go to great lengths to deny or obliterate it. I go on for days about what I have experienced in the past with my HCBP but I figure the most telling relates back to my blog about being a family member or friend in the middle of a high conflict divorce. Ben’s parents and family sided with the HCBM because she had the one item we did not, the children. Therefore it was easy to take her side.
In our final attempt to make our HCBM to see reason and quit violating the decree she filed a counter motion requesting we pay her 10,000 dollars for not returning her items to her. So her lawyer knew she was lying about this because she signed the final decree stating that she had received all of her items. By this she signed the document over a year ago with no complaints until she had the children try to steal items out of our house.
You would think this HCBM would realize that my husband and I documented everything. We had picture of her stuff in boxes to be picked up by movers. We had a handwritten letter I had sent with her final items. Yet she claimed to the court she had received nothing. She was playing a victim again. She did not want to face the truth. She had already obliterated Ben’s family but now she was trying to deny the truth that what she remembered having was forgotten items not mentioned in the decree. The truth infuriated her because she did not remember items she wanted when she was originally asked.
Even after signing our rights away to our children she still wanted us to give things back to her that we had bought for Xander. We ignored that email. We knew the odds of her doing something nice for Xander and not destroy his items was going to be little if at all. The funny thing was that the email had nothing about Tori’s toys and she was five. You would think that a five year old would have more interest in her toys than an eleven year old boy. We have kept the important toys for the children for when they come back so we can ensure they receive them from us instead of running the risk of them being damaged by their HCBM.
The irony in all of this is the child like behavior the SHUT UP method displays. Logic contains the truth while feelings contains the lies. Once HCBP’s learn to understand this maybe mediation will finally become successful instead of having a judge rule on our situations. Then again if HCBP would get the help they need we all would finally endure less suffering including our children. This is what I continue to pray for each and every day for my children not be hurt by the emotional abuse they endure with their HCBP and that the will understand that what we did was give them the best life possible considering the circumstances.