I read an interesting article yesterday about the Female Narcissists. My thought would be to discuss the control tactics used by Female Narcissists in relation to my experience with them. I believe that as a step-mom and wife it is important that I share my experiences of dealing with an undiagnosed narcissist because for others seeing the patterns early can assist in your abilities to deal with them in the future. So for a while I will be going through Alexander Burgemeester’s 10 control tactics used by narcissistic women and my relationship to them.
The attack is jumping between various topics so as you begin presenting evidence regarding one point they have digressed to another point that is not related to the original topic. This always happened when dealing with Ben’s ex. We would bring to her attention points in the divorce decree regarding visitation schedules and she would say in this instance regarding taking the children to Florida of July 2015 “You can choose to see my advance notice of visitation conflict as Custodial Interference, and I see it as unwilling to co-parent the children and refusal to take their best interest in to account. Part of joint custody is the willingness of both parents to work together, and Benjamin, and you, have shown time and time again that you are not willing to communicate or compromise. I feel that a judge will see my position as correct and in the best interest of the children, which far outweighs Benjamin’s strict and unwavering commitment to the decree.”
Yet the decree stated the following on page 7 and 8 of their divorce decree that “Each week during the summer, the party not in possession of the children shall have possession of the children beginning at 3:00 p.m. ending at 7:30 p.m. on Monday and Wednesday. Each conservator shall have two weeks uninterrupted possession (the above describe Monday and Wednesday possession shall not occur).”
Yet nowhere in the decree does it talk about an ability to accommodate it is assumed only because most divorced dads do not have to deal with a Narcissistic HCBM. Not to mention she had already taken her two weeks. She believes that the best interest of the children is being able to see her father and step-mother but not working with us to allow the children to see more of their father. Joint managing conservatorship, what Ben’s ex defined as Joint Custody, actually means this in Texas. When both parents share equal managing and possessory conservatorship the arrangement is referred to as joint conservatorship. However, joint possessory conservatorship or joint physical custody can be practically difficult. Therefore, joint managing conservatorship is often granted where both parents equally share in making the child’s legal decisions but the child predominantly lives with one parent. Therefore it was not about working with the other parent it never was, it is about having the narcissist get her way. Nowhere was she discussing about legal decisions or medical decisions but about already court ordered visitation.
The HOODWINK was the joint custody and arrogance to believe a judge would side with her, getting the extra week of sole parenting without consideration for our schedule, time or an already agreed upon time schedule was just the end goal. You see in her last sentence the arrogance she displays as if she knows the state law regarding what is in the best interest of her children without any regard to their father or the wishes of the children. She fails to mention that the only reason she needs the children is to get money to pay for her legal bills and her family would only provide her with that money is if she brought the children for them to pawn over. What she believed to be the best interest of the children, a judge would have seen it as taking the children out of state without giving us 30 days’ notice and it being custodial inference.
So we gathered police reports on both of those days we did not get to see our children. Eventually we did file multiple cases of custodial interference these two on her were part of the 36 violations in a span of 90 days. Yet no one ever bothered to hear our case. We did not even show up on November 9th, 2016, why should we, when a Judge who knew nothing of our case, our children, me, or my husband decided what was in my step-children’s best interest. This is the failure of the Texas and American Family Court system. Narcissist, HOODWINK, lawyers, judges, and ex-spouses into getting what they want until you finally stand up and walk away from everything. Pray for these people because the damage narcissist inflict affects more than you and I but impact our children as well.
Tomorrow we will discuss the SHUT UP!
Here is the image we received from my step-son during his unscheduled or approved trip to Florida described above. Riding a canoe with his Army Reserve Officer Stepfather and Tori.