To Mothers Who Take Away A Daughters Father,
The damage to our stepdaughters by not having their fathers in their lives is great. Professor Nielsen has made this pretty clear in her blog. Yet this damage can be repaired. Even after a long time not seeing their father but it take the initiative of our stepdaughters to reach out to their fathers. In another article posted in Psychology Today shows a lack of proper exposure to an investing father to his daughter can cause his daughter to engage in riskier sexual behavior at an earlier age than those fathers who are actively engaged in their daughters lives at an earlier age. The question that is often asked why is the father-daughter relationship so vulnerable to disruption after a divorce? It is because birth mothers experience a lack of trust with their ex-spouses and force their daughters to experience that same lack of trust. Thus they essentially close the gates to their fathers.
Research has also found that women are impacted more and experience more effects of stress and because of this they often will remember more of the details of the events that lead them to having these experiences. The reason for this is due to the amygdala which is easily activated my emotions than other parts of the brain. If a father is not engaged with his daughter, no matter what the quality of that bond is, it can impact the self-confidence of our daughters. I am always left wondering what kind of mother would do this to their own daughter. What kind of poor self-image do you have to have with yourself that you would destroy your daughter’s image perception so early by taking away her father? To me it appears that you have turned from the light of God’s love and grace to do something like that to your own daughter.
Women who have a part of their life that is out of control will over compensate in another part of their life by exhibiting behaviors of being over controlling. Psychological Today found controlling to be a toxic pattern of the Mother-Daughter relationship. The tight control instills a sense of insecurity and helplessness in their daughters. This can lead to the daughter feeling inadequate to make their own decisions. It further destroys her self-image because she feels as she is incapable of exercising good judgement thus further destroying our daughter’s ability to be a wonderful women. This is why we must learn to leave it in God’s hands. We must fight the temptation to want to control people and things that we have no real control over. When we give it to God, we can be conduits for God to share his love and grace to all those things that are chaotic in our lives.
Narcissist mothers though can damage their daughters the worse though. Because the narcissist sees her daughter not as an individual but just an extension of themselves. They will fiercely deny that the emotional connection with their child is superficial but in all honesty they are more focused on how their daughter can make them look better or make her feel good about herself. These women are 100% fakers. While their lives, homes, and jobs look great on the outside our daughters do not feel valued or appreciated in any way.
Our stepdaughters learn not to trust men and trust women even less. Thus they end of feeling very alone as they grow up in life feeling separated from their father and resentful of their mother. Yet is this what you wanted for your daughter? Who gave you the right to inflict this emotional torture on your child?
I guess the question I have for mothers who do this is …..
Why would you ever do this to your own daughter?