So what makes a successful marriage? We have seen often our grandparents stay together for over 30 + years yet we are just happy if we get to the five year mark. Why is it we cannot seem to get it together? As step-moms we live in the world with another women even if our husbands have signed their rights away we live with her in everything. We love her only because she is the birth mother to our children but we hate her too because of what she has done to our husband and to our children. Our relationship with our husbands will never just be an us but instead it will be all three of us. Even when there is agreement not to mention her name or even talk about the kids. I will fight in my head remembering the children’s voices, their stories, their hopes, their dreams, and their pain. All they wanted and ever deserved was two parents that loved them. Instead the parent that loved them was forced out and the other is frustrated and embarrassed by them.
So when there is a third, how do you have a successful marriage? You have to put the other person first. The third person has to be removed. My husband likes to use the example, if we remove and cast out a vampire, we are definitely not going to let it back in the house for tea and sandwiches in a couple of weeks. The same is said for the other women. If you work hard to remove her and lose everything to ensure the peace of your children. You have to cling on with the world as it is now and move forward. As now the primary and only women in our husband’s lives we must ensure we follows God’s word. We must be submissive to our husbands and inform them of our needs. We must listen more often than speak. We must ensure that we follow through with their request despite our fear and lack of understanding in whatever decision is made. He is the head of our household and we should treat him as such.
My husband considers a successful marriage one that is a soft patriarchy. That is when the husband will ask for my opinion and thoughts but in the end the decision is made by him alone so he accepts and understands the results of his decision. I have to admit it is nice living that way. Another important aspect of a successful marriage and probably the most important is going to church together. When you do not attend church and reaffirm your devotion and faith in God, then you lose the focus of your commitment to God and each other. The final thing is honesty. When you fail to be honest about how your feeling, your intentions, or opinions your relationship will always fail. If you cannot be honest with who you are and what you need then you will never be able to live in a soft patriarchy or attend church. In the end it is about accountability to God, your spouse and your husband. Failing in accountability leads to being unsuccessful and nasty results for everyone involved.
So since it is the beginning of Advent and the beginning to a new church year. I have made the obligation to be always open and honest with everyone despite my fear of making someone angry because in the end honesty is the only accountable thing we have with each other as a couple. When that goes away we can never have a successful marriage, much less relationship, with others now or in the future.