Step-Moms and Battle Buddies

For the Stepmoms who fight a battle on two fronts when their spouse has lost their children.

A Letter to Your Spouse,

As I sit here reading about the rise in male suicide to the shame, isolation, hurt, embarrassment, anxiety, and confusion I cannot help and think of you.[1] The trials that you experience and how our marriage always has your ex-partner in it. Our lives of managing the day to day encouraging you to move on and past the hurt of losing your children and the anxiety for their safety. The countless nights of nightmares and our never ceasing prayers. I know your family abandoned you and believed her but the truth always finds a way of coming out even when it is covered with the dirt of lies. Unlike your ex-wife, I value you and appreciate you. I love the man you are. Know that you are not alone.

I fight a battle too. I fight a battle for you in our home. To ensure we get up and do something every day so we make contact with the outside world.  I fight my own battle of dealing with grief. Winter does not make it easier. The never ending holidays and commercials on the radio and TV reminding us of your children. Even though I have gotten rid of most of their clothes I will on occasion find a little sock with ruffles attached to a piece of clothing. It is hard to see that knowing I will not see her for 3948 and it has been over 414 days since we have seen her last. The hardest though is seeing people I know who have no idea I lost my step-children and me having to go through the entire story again, 414 days after it first happened.

Yet you never talk about it with anyone. You always stand silent. We continue living with the hope we get to see our children in 3948 days. I know we probably will eventually see them again but if we do not I know you and I will be ok with that because of faith. We live through these storms of life because we lay a foundation our children may someday need to take. We show them that a narcissist should never break you and you can still survive when everything else is gone. Everyone needs someone and I have you. Thank you for being there when I trip and fall. I am there for you when we have to go do things that we used to do with the children.

We are there for each other.


Your Spouse

Men should not have to fight this battle alone. The rise in suicide among men after a divorce with children can bring men to their breaking point. If you have a friend who is going through this be the support they need as they endure this battle. Listen to them. There is no solution or justification on why things happen. They just need someone to stand silent by them as they continue to move forward and reestablish themselves. Men need to support other men. When my husband needed a battle buddy he found none during his divorce so I had to step in. Do not leave a man behind. It is time for men to support each other and take back the American Family.

Support our men leading our families once again.




[1] Dr. Travis Gee, “Post-separation suicide risk,” A Voice for Men, December 05, 2017, , accessed December 06, 2017,



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