For The 17.5%

Good Morning Step parents, Parents, and Family,

Today I am going to talk about the one out of six women who in 2014 did not receive custody of their children. The 17.5 percent of mothers who lost primary custody to the children’s father.[1] Most of these fathers are and suffer from Narcissistic personality disorder. They will have police complaints about them from their ex-wife, ex-wife’s new significant other, ex-wife’s family members.[2] This is not to say that all the fathers who receive custody are bad but a majority of them have psychological problems that are not seen in the family court. The reason the family court does not see this is because of the emotional actions that are done by family court. No judge wants to believe a narcissistic parent would be so calculating to endanger or harm their child in the divorce.

In the late 1990s Gardner found that fathers had more access and familiarity with Parental Alienation Syndrome and used it to program children against the other parent. While this is the case he acknowledges that the courts are still biased against fathers for the most part and it is less likely for the alienating mom to lose custody of their children unlike those fathers who do this abuse to their children.[3]  Gardner is the founder of parental alienation syndrome. The stigma these women face is the same as those fathers who do not have their children. It is two sides of the same coin.  A father who does not have his children will think he is not a natural care giver and should just be a provider while a mother is did not receive primary custody will often be looked on as being seen as a “bad” mom. These are not “bad” moms. Many of these women faced the same trials that most fathers do with a HCBP or a narcissist.

This being said, to the 17.5 percent of mothers who have lost custody of their children or have suffered Parental Alienation. I welcome you to our sight. I see your pain like I see my husband’s pain. No parent should have to go without seeing their children or being part of their children’s lives on a daily basis. Family court is a lose – lose situation. When a parent is forced to leave, we hurt someone. The court does not see the damage it is doing to our children but instead is preparing for the next generation of divorced parents to enter into their courts. Neither one of us is part of the 82.5%. Mothers constitute 17.5 while men constitute 82.5 thus leading to 100%. 100% failure in doing what is in the best interest of our children. In the family court system someone is always going to lose. Our children lose 100% of the time because they lose a parent.

We need to fight harder in our marriages so our children do not lose. We must fight harder so we do not lose.  As parents who have lost, I pray for you. I understand your pain. Losing my step-children has been the hardest trial I face on a day to day basis. While it is my cross, I pray for you to continue your fight for your children. They deserve to be with both of you as much as they can. Because we never know how long we have. Please feel free to share your experiences and comment below.

Thanks,

M

courthouse

[1] Grall, Timothy S. Custodial mothers and fathers and their child support: 2011. US Department of Commerce, Economics and Statistics Administration, US Census Bureau, 2013.

[2]  Jr, William E Krill. “What Judges Need to Know About Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Custody Cases.” Owlcation. December 01, 2014. Accessed December 01, 2017. https://owlcation.com/social-sciences/What-Judges-Need-to-Know-About-Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-in-Custody-Cases.

[3] Berg, Rita. “Parental Alienation Analysis, Domestic Violence, and Gender Bias in Minnesota Courts.” Law & Ineq. 29 (2011): 5.

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