Playing in the Victimhood Role

Parental Alienation (PA) is defined as a form of emotional child abuse where a custodial parent belittles or vilifies the other parent to the child. As sad as it is to say this is often common when parents’ divorce each other. However, it is more than that.  When you look at common symptoms of PA it places the custodial parent in a childlike position resulting in the child to take on adult responsibilities to care for the custodial parent. For example, when the custodial parent sets up temptations that interfere with the child’s visitation, making demands of the other parent that are contrary to court orders, listening in on the children’s phone conversation they are having with the other parent, and the custodial parent blaming the other parent for the financial problems, breaking up of the family changes in lifestyle or the reason they have another partner.  This is just a couple of symptoms of PA.

In divorce children are forced to adapt to losing their stable home and often a parent with whom they have developed trust with. Children fearing the loss of the alienating parent, will often feel pressured to agree with the alienating parent to ensure they do not lose the alienating parent. These children are often overvalued in ways that are detrimental to their growth and development and are undervalued in ways that would be helpful to them in the future. Because their symptoms have strong emotional appeal and thus become a valuable part of the legal evidence, they become the object of intense, nurturing attention, often under the guise of empathizing with the child. This results in the psychological symptoms becoming a valued part of the identity of the child.[1]

In essence the alienating parent will put a stereotype on the child that can cause the child to grow and fit into that mold. For example, if we take our child and train them to respond to various situations in certain ways to ensure medical professionals, who know nothing of either parent, assign and identify the child with a certain disability, we have thus created a label for our child which may make us look like a wonderful victim. Victimhood is the proud banner of a narcissistic HCBP.  Yet let’s be honest. Once their children do not provide them with the victimhood attention they desire, the alienating parent will often cast them aside like last years most prized fashion accessory. Parenthood is not about being a victim it is about being a role model. When we teach our children to live by the definitions the alienating parent has given them we fail as parents. We must hold on and believe our children are more than the medical definitions and terms that were wrongly placed on our children.

Being the victim does not make you weak. Playing in the victimhood role makes you a weak person and shows your children only how to be victims in their lives. This will result in your children going down into a dark hole and remaining there. PA removes children from stable family structures and loving parents. It breaks the foundation of what it means to be a family. The results of PA on children as they grow into adulthood is what I will be sharing with you tomorrow.

For Those We Love.

ALMIGHTY God, we entrust all who are dear to us to thy never-failing care and love, for this life and the life to come; knowing that thou art doing for them better things than we can desire or pray for; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.



[1] User, S. (n.d.). Parental Alienation Causes Short and Long-Term Damage to Children. Retrieved November 14, 2017, from

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