Yet She Considered Me To Be A Bad Mother

Good Morning,

I love you.

I miss you.

Your grandmother and grandfather on my first time meeting them made me promise to take care of their son. I promised them I would take care of your Dad. I wonder often when they ate dinner with your mom and step-dad if they asked him to take care of you? I know your grandmother never thought I would be able to be a good mother because I had never had children. Considering you had told the psychologist you thought I was treated you like toxic waste, it is natural to think your grandmother was testifying against me primarily. I often wonder if your grandmother realized she was protecting her son from herself when she asked me to take care of her son.  She realized on a subconscious level that she would turn on your dad and she knew I would be there to take the main blast and take care of him.

I often ask myself if I was such a bad mother to the two of you was I supposed to be like your grandmother and turn on my son. How could I ever turn on you Xander? How could I ever turn on your Tori?  That rips out at the cord of what it means to be a family. Yet your grandmother turned on her son. She turned on your dad. How or why we will never know. Yet she is the first one that filed charges regarding your safety Tori.  She would tell me how she was compelled to do it because she was a nurse. She filed because of your pictures Xander. She was terrified of your sister going through the windshield. Yet she considered me to be a bad mother.

If I am a bad step-mom then I know nothing different. I took care of my family.  I ensured her grandchildren were always in either a car seat or buckled up. I made sure you brushed your teeth, your clothes were clean, you ate three meals a day, and I made sure neither of you had to search through trash.  I made sure you wore sunscreen when you went out side so you did not get burned and I never grabbed you in a way that left bruises. When either of you were sick I stayed with you.  I prayed with you for your mom and step-dad.  I prayed for the two of you when you were not in our custody. Yet she considered me to be a bad mother.

So I might have been a bad step-mother but I honor the promises I make. I still take care of your father. I make sure he eats, has a best friend to talk to, and most important I reassure him that he is a good son and an excellent father. And although she considered me a bad mother, I made a promise to your Grandmother, that I would look out after her son when she knew she never would be able to do it.

Hugs,

M

 

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