Dad Sacrificed Himself For You

Good Morning Xander and Tori,

It is the end of the week and I know you must be looking forward to the weekend. Do you have any plans for the weekend?  Dad and I are going to be cleaning up the house and making pull pork sandwiches.  I have some homework I need to get done for my Leadership in Ministry course but overall we are just going to keep moving forward this weekend.  Your father promised to take me to the My Little Pony movie this weekend so I am looking forward to seeing that.  I wish you could come with us to see it. I am going to be taking Calvin and Hobbes to see it so I will make sure to take some pictures for the two of you.

I am craving breakfast tacos so I am sure your father will be coming with me on Saturday morning to get some. He is having some this morning since he sent me a picture of him getting some on his way into work. Let me tell you he makes me laugh. I have to be up early on Sunday.  I joined the choir. Choir has actually helped me get motivated again since it has been difficult this past couple of weeks. Next Thursday will mark a year when we finally made the adult choice to sign our rights away so the two of you could find peace and rest. It is a day your father and I will never forget.  I am sure for him and I it will be a day of lot of hugs and tears.

After that day we are going to start clearing out your rooms and making them into our offices.  We realize that sometimes we have to move on and cannot live in a memorial like state.  It is not like we forget but in order to be better parents for the two of you we will need to be able to function and live our lives better.  We know that we will not see the two of you again until your adults if you choose to find us.  It is hard for us but we know it was the only option we had. Our other options left you with seeing your dad once a month with a stranger for maybe four hours. We know that is not something that would make either one of you comfortable.

I also wanted to let you know that your Dad sacrificed being able to see you for about three months and allowed you to stay with your mom instead of going over to Child Protective Services before we finalized our decision.  He tells me it was at that point he knew he would never see you guys again. It was the last real gift he gave the two of you. The ability to stay at your schools and with people you knew instead of being ripped out of your routines.  Please remember Dad sacrificed himself for you.  As you get older and if you ever find this, please do something for him on October 19th that he would have enjoyed doing with the two of you. It would mean the world to him.  We understand you may never want to see us or ever talk to us again but if you could just spend the day remember what we were like as a family it would mean the world to me and your dad.

We love you and miss you both.

Hugs and Kisses,

M

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