Step-Parents and Parents Think Carefully

Fatherless homes produce more than half of all our suicides, as well as the majority of kids with behavior disorders. Kids are much more likely to end up in prison if their dads are not involved in their lives.

Mehaffie, Sam. Fatherless America and the Church (Kindle Locations 90-91). CreateSpace.com. Kindle Edition.

So as I sit here and read this most of the Fathers I know who have no interaction with their children do not do so because they do not want to but instead are forced out by the courts.  No good Christian man wants to be away from his children.  He wants to be what Mehaffie calls a strong leader in his household. I know my husband does but the question then becomes what is leadership.  No fault divorce is nothing more than children deciding they do not want to play with that other person anymore. My personal opinion is that we remove the concept of a No Fault Divorce from our legal options.  Removing this option forces attorneys to move divorces back into civil court under contract law.  This results in the elimination of the family court system.

The focus of no fault divorce with children is “Best Interest of the Child”.  Yet who is a judge who knows nothing about your children, lawyers who are only concerned with money and billable hours, and grown adults who do not know how to resolve problems like adult but instead like children, knows what is in the best interest of your children?  The fact is that no one does.  No one really knows what decisions you make like hiding the truth or being honest will do to the mind of that child. When fathers have no other options but to leave in order to ensure that their children are no longer used as weapons, is the only really adult decision that is made in the entire divorce proceeding.

God shares with us that men are to lead their households like Jesus leads the church.  Women are to be subservient to their husbands.  Yet today even the word of subservient is a fallacy.  Fatherless homes have resulted in the feminist movement we have seen today. It is this movement that has done more harm to our children than ever before. Women struggle to find meaning, purpose, and how to have a positive relationship with a male when they are fatherless.  Young men grow up and have issues with drugs, suicide, rape and jail. In the United States, we have more young men in our prisons that any other nation in the world. Why? A lack of father at home.

I often look back at my husbands divorce and wonder what decisions he made and his ex-wife made that have now permanently scared the children.  The lack of trust in adults, the feeling like they can only take care of themselves and not trust anyone. As a step-mom I often tried to shield the children from everything that was going on. I fixed their broken hearts and healed their wounds. Yet with me doing this I was judged. I could already see the hurt and brokenness inside them both. No matter how much I tried I could not provide them with the family they needed or wanted. I will never forget the countless times Tori would ask me while we were having our one on one time “If Daddy would ever get back with Mommy because mommy was crying and trying on her wedding dress?” How as a step-mom am I supposed to do that?  Why am I the one faced with having to break the hopes of a little girl? I did what I could do and explain that no Mommy and Daddy would not be getting back together but instead she was being blessed with a step-dad and step-mom that makes each of her parents happy. She hugged me and said thanks and we continued on with our shopping trip. I also remember Tori asking if Mommy, her and Bubby needed help if he would help everyone out.  My husband looked at me and sighed and said yes he would help everyone out because Tori had asked him too. It was small adult decisions like that help our children.

As a mom who has lost her step-children, I beg you as step-parents and parents to think carefully of everything you say and do in front of your children.  Think hard and speak only positive things about their parents because in the end we as step-parents are mediators to two adults acting like children. We must guard these children and protect them from words that can cause death to their hopes, dreams, and future. I can only hope that the step-father that is now raising my son and daughter speaks well of their dad in order to foster a certainty in my children’s lives for now and as they mature into their adult lives to come.

 

M

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