Morning Prayer

To My Children,

I will admit I stopped doing Morning Prayer on my way to work once we lost you. It was too hard to listen to it knowing the power it had. I will never forget how calm listening to it made the two of you in the chaos of switching between parents. The fear and uncertainty changing parents had on the two of you. The crying from the both of you when it was time to take you back. The reassurance we would see you again. Morning Prayer always centered our family during those troubling time. Our ability to give responses.

I finally listened again yesterday morning and cried. The rhythmic responses the old English. Yesterday’s Morning Prayer was the raising of Lazarus from the dead. I keep feeling stuck but with every day I put on my boots and continue moving forward. At church I got to participate in choir for the first time since my childhood I guess you could define it as my escape from everything else going on in my life. I wonder often if I could have done better. Maybe I should have not cooked for the two of you. Maybe I should have not built and constructed your rooms for you. It is funny, when your dad asked me to meet the two of you I said no. I did not want to be involved with the two of you. However, your dad’s car had broken down and he really needed me to pick him up and get the two of you.

I was so nervous. Although I had a lot of experience with children, I was nervous because I knew it would be awkward meeting me. However, for some reason it all worked out. I was finally blessed to have a family. Someone to sing with about the chocolate and strawberry cows. Someone who would laugh every time I said chicken butt as a response to guess what. I said guess what to you father yesterday and he laughed and said chicken butt. I just started crying. We were at sonic when that happened. I laughed but it reminded me of the two of you.

Xander, I hope you are still eating right. I know you were so excited to have been losing weight finally once we had found a good balance of food for you. Tori, I hope you are keeping your room clean for your mom like you did for us. I am looking forward to seeing the My Little Pony movie on Friday. Your dad and I are going to be going to catch something to eat and then go to the movie. I know you two are looking forward to seeing that movie.
Ok I will let the two of you go. I pray you had a good day. Your dad and I miss the two of you so much. Have a great evening.

Love,
M

 

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