It Is Raining Outside

Happy Monday Evening,

I know its late.  I am sorry it took me so long to post today.  I started my new job today.  It is raining outside.  The dogs are scared and every time I hear the rain I think about the two of you. I am getting to work closer to your dad now so we are going to try to get together for lunch at some point. So yesterday I spent the entire day at church.  It was our Welcome Home/ Social Media/ Mariachi band service.  It was hard because they had a petting zoo and a bouncy castle.  I wanted to two of you to be there to share in the fun and joy. I was asked about the two of you and I had to say that it had almost been a year since we had to sign the paperwork to end your suffering.

We attempted to get fruit for the dehydrator we have purchased.  I wish the two of you could have been there.  Your dad and I choose to do apples and grapes so we could make apple chips and raisins.  I had almost made it through the entire store until I saw the cartoon cups and I just busted out into tears again. At some point, I hope to be able to go grocery shopping without having to rely on your dad.  I been told that the pain of losing children never really goes away but instead just becomes a pain you learn to adapt too. It is an honor to carry the pain because if I am having to endure it, it means that you are being free to have a happy childhood.

Your dad and I watched Star Trek Discovery and we were disappointed with the two episodes. Your father wants to see where they take the series so we might be watching a couple of more. I finally purchased my own digital camera so I can start taking more advanced photos instead of taking them on my photos. I am hoping to get to use it this weekend when your Dad and I are planning to celebrate your birthday Tori.  We are going to celebrate your birthday Xander, the following weekend.  I am hoping to get a picture of our family photo up so I can put it on my desk sometime this week.

I will be starting choir on Wednesday for church.  I am looking forward to doing choir as a ministry.  I am hoping it gives me some comfort during the hard times I experience without having you here. I know the two of you must be missing us but please know we are both doing well. It is hard for us every day but we keep faith that God will allow our paths to cross again when you become adults. I hope you remain dry this evening and please be careful with the rain tomorrow.  I love you both. Hugs and Kisses.




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