Small Steps Forward

Yesterday I made small steps forward.  I could not go to the grocery store without crying the entire time.  This time I only cried once.  My husband has been wonderful through it all.  He always comes with me and helps me through the store reminding and reassuring me its ok. My goal is to be able to walk around the store again without crying. We decided to have a tat-or-tot casserole for the first time since you left.  The tat-or-tots were awesome.  I have improved the recipe by adding tat-or-tots in the mixture of beef and vegetables. Then we both fell asleep to Rick and Morty.


Today has been positive but difficult.  One of my co-workers found out he was having a boy.  So naturally, I thought of the two of you.  This is going to be his first child so I offered to give them your car seat Tori.  He is in need and I am wanting to make sure that both of your stuff if we decide to remove it goes to good people in real need. I am making chicken, corn, and potato chowder on Wednesday and then when that is done I will be making pulled pork sandwiches. I never got to make it for the two of you.  It has always been a Christmas tradition to have it the day before Christmas.  I am looking forward to making it for your dad.


I would have to say at least today is a more numbing day. Your dad and I rarely talk about what happened we just try to keep positive and dream about the two amazing children you are becoming. I never forget the night we signed our rights away.  I took your dad to El Chapelle.  Hoping he would at least eat something.  Instead, he cried. We knew by doing the right thing for you too would be the hardest thing we would ever have to do. We have some comfort that you get to see his Mom and Dad.  We know that your grandma and grandpa must have brought you lots of stuff for school.  I know you must have been glad to see your grandma since she had her heart attack.


This weekend your Dad is going to take me out on a date. We have not really done that since we stopped seeing the two of you. I am looking forward to it because he is planning the entire thing.  I am sure we will talk about the two of you and discuss our childhoods at the same time. Comparing what we did versus probably what you are doing now. I am looking forward to it. I look forward to seeing you someday I hope.  Please stay safe and remember to pray for each other. We love you.







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